Animal writting

One hot sunny day I was walking to my friend Nick's house and when we were about three quarters of the way there we spot this strange looking animal in between two trees. It had four horns on his body. There was one on its head, two on its knees, a a good 4 hours and then I had to go home. But when I got home that animal was sitting at the door staring at me with big red  bloodshot eyes and gave me the chills. I walked inside and ate diner which was amazingly yum but when I went into my bedroom… The creature was in my bed staring at me A massive  chill ran down my spine.

I slowly crept out of my bedroom to get my mum to tell her that there is a creature in my room I here scuttling on the floor. “Come on let’s go!” I shouted but when we got there the creature was gone. My mum said that it was probably my mind playing tricks with me, I thought so too. I escorted myself to my bedroom jumped on top of my blankets and woke up in the middle of the night because I heard weird noises. Slowly I open my eyes and standing on me was that creature with a cheeky looking grin on its mouth I screamed!!! All of The living life out of me.It had this weird  pointy thing straped to its arm and then it stabbed me in the arm. I woke the next morning feeling a little weird…

I glared around and everything looks bigger I look at the mirror and scream. I am a mouse don don don I try to get of my bed but it is a big drop. Well I guess I have  nothing to live for I jumped of(off) my bed and hit the ground I heard a whooshing sound and then I start to ( oh I haven't hit the ground yet) swirl  and then I am  back in my bed.  After dinner I look out the window and there was the creature I tell my mum I just have to get some fresh air so I go outside and get my dads shotgun I load it and point at the creature I pull the trigger bam!!! the creature was finally dead.   

I am proud of my writing because it has some really descriptive words and more punctuation then any of my other writing. I really tried hard to use my full stops because sometimes I write really really long sentences and forget my full stops. I have used speech marks when someone is talking. I need to put a comma after the end speech mark.

Something that I need to work on is in my writing I need to put in paragraphs. I needed to have feedback and a bit of teacher help for this.